I am Judas.I have walked with Christ. I have lived in Christ. I know of the profound sacrifice of Christ, and yet I wound him so. I sin when I recognize my faults yet turn from him when he offers his mercy and forgiveness.
I am Judas.
I turn him over to his enemies when I deny him daily, in my words, in my actions, and in my cowardice. My cross is laid out before me and I run from it like a frightened child. But that is not true. A child is innocent. I have long since removed the truth of that excuse from my life. I know exactly what I am running from, my salvation, and yet I run.
I am Judas.
I hide in the crowds and watch Him being led from unjust judge to unjust judge. I stand silent as evil men come and testify falsely against him. I know I should cry out, “Foul evil men, don’t you see you persecute your GOD?!” But I don’t. I am a coward in the shadows.
I am Judas.
I run through the streets trying to escape the guilt that floods my very soul with sorrow. I have become evil. The weight of my betrayal becomes too much to bear. God could never forgive me for this transgression. I will surely perish in the fires of hell. There is no hope for me. I am damned.
I am Judas.
I have come to the end. I know my life is forfeit. I can go on no longer. I find a strong and sturdy tree and fasten my noose to its powerful branches. As I slip the rope around my neck the voice of my LORD enters my heart from afar. “Why do you do this thing? Don’t you know that I love you? My mercy endures forever. My heart and My blood are poured out for you. Come and see how much I Love You!” From my tree of death I flee. As I run down the hill I am stopped in my tracks by the site of a familiar face swinging from a tree.
He is Judas.
Oh Judas, Ye of so little faith. Why have you come to this dreadful end? What pain in your heart has led you to this deception? You spent so much time in the loving presence of the Lord. He taught you and loved you. He chose you! Did you not know your sins could be forgiven? You hardened your heart while you were with Him. He knew you would betray him. With this knowledge before Him did he send you away as you all shared the Passover feast? No, He washed your feet. Our Lord confronted your crime and you could have repented. Instead you took your leave like a thief in the night. When you realized that He was to be put to death did you come to Him for mercy? Why did you not call on him or seek out his Holy Mother? She would have taken you to her Son. He loved you Judas, as much as the rest. Why did you compound the sin of betrayal with an even greater one? Oh Judas, your sin was utter despair. When Satan was finished with you he filled your heart with the true knowledge of what you had done to the Son of Man. You showed no remorse to God for your actions, only selfish pride at the shame you would face when others saw you after what you had done. Oh Judas, God had mercy for your soul if only you had accepted it.
I am not Judas.
I hear the words again in my heart from my Lord, “Come quickly, see how much I Love You!” I enter the city but I can find no trace of my Lord. I see a woman weeping bitterly by the roadside. As I approach her I see her veil laid open on her lap. A vision of a man’s face stares up at her from the veil. Bloody and dirty. This man is barely recognizable as a man, and yet my heart recognizes his Divine Face. I kneel down beside her and ask, “Dear sister, where have they taken Our LORD?” She can not muster the strength to lift her head to answer me. With the veil still clutched in her shaking right hand she points to the road leaving Jerusalem. As I look up the street I see what my eyes were too blind to see before, a trail of blood leaving the city, toward the place of the skull. “Come quickly, see how much I Love You!”
I am not Judas!
As I run up the high hill of Golgotha, my legs burn and ache. I feel I can not go on but I could not stop if I wanted to. As I reach the top I see HIM. My Lord lifted up on a cross. The imprint of His love on my heart is the only thing that allows me to recognize Him, so badly beaten. What love do you have for us that you found the strength to get this far. As I stand near the cross I can not bare to look upon you for I know that my sins did this. I fall to my knees, weeping like never before, and bury my face in the ground. In my pain and anguish I hear Your voice, “See how much I LOVE YOU!” I look up to see Your eyes meeting mine. “My name is MERCY, and MY Mercy endures forever” A smile comes over my face and in HIS pain I am sure I see my Lord smile on me. Then He lifts his head to the Father and cries out in a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commend My Spirit.” Before me, my Lord gives His life willingly for all of us. In His death I expect an emptiness and sorrow to fill my heart. I am shocked to find it replaced with a profound surge of joy, for I know now that death can no longer conquer me, for my Lord has set us all free.
I am a sinner, but I have been washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb! His name is MERCY, and His mercy endures forever, and for ALL who hear His voice and answer, "Yes Lord!"
